Tuesday, August 16, 2005
My New Babycakes
I take a break from work today to meet up with my pot dealer. After I buy my goods, I walk back to work and think “Oh! I should call my mom!” So I reach into my jeans pocket and find my cell phone underneath the bag I just bought. I navigate past the bag and grab my phone and pull it out of my pocket. Somehow I pulled it so hard that it flew up and out of my hands and down three flights of stairs. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I watched in slow motion as my phone tumbled and tumbled down each concrete step.
At first I was like “It’s all good, it’s all good!” But when the phone rounded the corner of the stairwell and continued to fall, almost comically, I was like “It’s not good, it’s not good!”
When the phone finally came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, it was in about 16 pieces. I stood there looking at it and honestly, burst out laughing. What the F is wrong with me?!?!
I quickly picked up the remnants of my, once awesome, phone and put the pieces into my jeans pocket. I walked back to work thinking about what a huge boner I am – not necessarily what a huge boner I have.
Upon arriving at my office, I called the good old people over at Cingular and explained what happened. Of course I left out the part about the pot dealer. The incredibly nice representative told me that I could go to a Cingular store in Manhattan and get a new phone today.
On my lunch break, I went down to Cingular and showed her what happened to my phone. She couldn’t help it; she asks “What did you DO to this phone?” I replied “I shoved it up my asshole and took a huge dump. This is what was leftover.” She replied “I did the same thing with mine! I used it as a dildo and then it totally broke off in my ass!” Then we hugged.
So now I have a new phone which I totally love. It has some cool new features and the ring tones it came with are hilarious. For example, right now I have it set on “Baby”. Whenever the phone rings, it coos and says “Ga ga, goo goo” and I piss myself with laughter. I’ve always wanted a baby that didn’t need to have its diapers changed. So there we go!
IMPORTANT NOTE: if you didn’t receive an email from me today and I had your phone number in the past, please email it to me so I can re-add you to my phone. Shmanks!
That’s all for today. It’s time for me to go fuck my new phone. I’m so getting it pregnant. And then the baby ring tone will say “Dada!”
I take a break from work today to meet up with my pot dealer. After I buy my goods, I walk back to work and think “Oh! I should call my mom!” So I reach into my jeans pocket and find my cell phone underneath the bag I just bought. I navigate past the bag and grab my phone and pull it out of my pocket. Somehow I pulled it so hard that it flew up and out of my hands and down three flights of stairs. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I watched in slow motion as my phone tumbled and tumbled down each concrete step.
At first I was like “It’s all good, it’s all good!” But when the phone rounded the corner of the stairwell and continued to fall, almost comically, I was like “It’s not good, it’s not good!”
When the phone finally came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, it was in about 16 pieces. I stood there looking at it and honestly, burst out laughing. What the F is wrong with me?!?!
I quickly picked up the remnants of my, once awesome, phone and put the pieces into my jeans pocket. I walked back to work thinking about what a huge boner I am – not necessarily what a huge boner I have.
Upon arriving at my office, I called the good old people over at Cingular and explained what happened. Of course I left out the part about the pot dealer. The incredibly nice representative told me that I could go to a Cingular store in Manhattan and get a new phone today.
On my lunch break, I went down to Cingular and showed her what happened to my phone. She couldn’t help it; she asks “What did you DO to this phone?” I replied “I shoved it up my asshole and took a huge dump. This is what was leftover.” She replied “I did the same thing with mine! I used it as a dildo and then it totally broke off in my ass!” Then we hugged.
So now I have a new phone which I totally love. It has some cool new features and the ring tones it came with are hilarious. For example, right now I have it set on “Baby”. Whenever the phone rings, it coos and says “Ga ga, goo goo” and I piss myself with laughter. I’ve always wanted a baby that didn’t need to have its diapers changed. So there we go!
IMPORTANT NOTE: if you didn’t receive an email from me today and I had your phone number in the past, please email it to me so I can re-add you to my phone. Shmanks!
That’s all for today. It’s time for me to go fuck my new phone. I’m so getting it pregnant. And then the baby ring tone will say “Dada!”
